Stubhill News

In a press release today, NASA announced that broadcasts from the New Horizons spacecraft confirmed Pluto was successfully destroyed, marking the culmination of years of public and private planning.

The New Horizons space probe, mantle drill and space ordinance delivery system was the result of coordination between NASA, British Petroleum, Lockheed Martin and Disney.

“The mission was a success on all fronts,” said the NASA spokesman. “NASA got some gorgeous new pictures for our annual space calendar; BP and Lockheed Martin got to test the quintessential technologies necessary for future space wars; and Disney finally eliminated a celestial encroachment on their intellectual properties.”

NASA’s spokesman expressed regret that they were unable to send a secondary probe in order to capture the “totally awesome explosion.”

At press time, Neil deGrasse Tyson was gloating.


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